Who Holds the Reins?
Parshat Toldot (Genesis 25:19-28:9)
Have you ever felt caught between two voices within yourself—one pulling you toward impulse, the other urging you toward something higher?
In the Torah, Jacob and Esau are twins with opposite natures. Esau grows into a rugged hunter, driven by appetite and instinct. Jacob becomes the quieter shepherd, shaped by reflection and spiritual pursuit. Even before their birth, G-d tells Rebekah: “Two nations are in your womb… the elder will serve the younger” (Genesis 25:23). From the start, their struggle embodies two very different ways of living.
Jewish tradition sees in these brothers a mirror of our inner lives. Esau represents our natural, instinctive self—the part of us that wants quickly, feels strongly, and pushes hard. Jacob represents the higher self—conscience, patience, and the desire to live with integrity. Just as Esau was born first, our instincts often rush ahead. But the Torah notes that Jacob’s hand grasped Esau’s heel, a sign that the higher self is meant to guide the lower, not trail behind it.
The Midrash teaches that this struggle is lifelong. Chassidic thought sharpens the picture: we each contain an “animalistic soul” and a “divine soul.” The challenge is not to erase one or the other, but to decide which one leads. Our instincts give us energy and passion, but they need direction.
Think of a powerful horse and its rider. The horse is strong, spirited, and full of drive. Without guidance, it may run wild. But with a steady hand on the reins, that very strength carries the rider far. Our impulses work the same way. Anger can turn into courage for justice. Desire can deepen love and loyalty. Ambition can be reshaped into service. The question is not whether we feel the pull of instinct, but whether we hold the reins.
And this is where life gets real. Who hasn’t blurted out words in anger, only to wish them back? Who hasn’t chased quick comfort, knowing it would leave them empty? We all know the tug-of-war inside. At times, Esau feels stronger. But the Torah promises, “the elder will serve the younger.” Instinct can be harnessed to serve conscience—if we pause long enough to steer.
So what does that look like in practice? It’s not always grand. It might mean swallowing a sharp remark and choosing patience instead. It might mean using ambition to build up others, not just yourself. It might mean letting compassion, not convenience, set your priorities for a day. Each small choice is a hand on the reins, guiding strength toward purpose.
Jacob and Esau are not just figures from the past; they live within each of us. The question is simple but urgent: Who holds the reins? This week, try one experiment. In a moment of temptation—whether to lash out, indulge, or cut corners—pause and ask: What would it look like right now for Jacob to guide Esau? That choice could turn raw energy into lasting strength.
Wishing you a good week and Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yonatan Hambourger